As a mama, their story cut deep. The thought of giving away one of my children because they had more needs than expected (which I assure you they do!) made me sick. The Mama Bear within me is not having it.
A few truths about adoption.
1. It’s hard. I mean, not like it raises your level of hard in life from a 4 to a 6. You’ll be on full 10 alert for a while. And not just a week or two. Years and years. And that’s okay. That’s what we signed up for. Parenting a child with trauma is something that requires continual training, a support system, and endless grace from God.
2. It’s messy. Adoption, while celebrated because it was our family coming together, still was birthed from loss. It’s bitter-sweet. In order for adoption to be possible, the original family unit was broken. That’s not the way things are supposed to be, and those scars are lifelong. Yes, God weaves something beautiful from the torn pieces. He takes what was meant for evil and turns it into good. But it is still messy.
3. There are always surprises. Because, well, life. Kids in general are full of surprises. Biological and adopted children alike may have medical black holes you get sucked into. You don’t pick out the genetic make up of your biological child, and you don’t get to pick it for your adopted child either. When we brought Ladybug home from the hospital, we had NO clue that she would someday suffer from infantile spasms, epilepsy, and Pompe Disease. Obviously that’s not what we had planned when trying to have a baby. But life is full of surprises. You adjust. You shift your plans. Adopting a child is absolutely no different.
4. It. Is. Forever. This should go without saying, but apparently right now it needs to be said. It will get “too hard.” It will be “too much.” Parenting is a challenge. Parenting a child with special needs adds exponentially more challenge. And parenting a child with trauma is beyond what you can imagine if you haven’t done it. But family is forever. Whatever storms come, you bunker down and face them as a family. Neither Ladybug nor Panda’s place in this family is contingent upon their behavior or their medical needs. When it’s too much, you get help. In fact, it’s the rare adoptive family that doesn’t bring in some sort of help.
God gives us the example as to what adoption looks like. When we choose to follow Christ, God adopts us into His family. The Bible literally says that! “But you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, “Abba! Father!” So if God is perfect, then His example of adoption is perfect. He defines adoption. He tells us that once adopted, nothing can separate us from His love, not “death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation...”
That’s adoption.
Unconditional love.
When we adopt, it’s forever.
