(Turns out he's not a fan of cake. I know, right?)
Our little guy thrives off of routine, nonverbal cues, smiles, and undivided attention.
Routine:
All kids find routines soothing to some extent. Some need it more than others. Ladybug is one of those kiddos that wakes up and asks immediately what day it is and what our plan for the day is if she doesn’t already know. If her routine is broken without any explanation, we see major melt downs as her inner-security has dissolved along with the plans.
Luckily we have already had a few years of this learning curve with Ladybug, so establishing a routine to help Panda feel safe and comfortable came pretty naturally to us. We have had to be much more regimented with our bedtime routine than we used to be, as bedtime was one of his toughest obstacles. We already had a very set mealtime/snacktime routine bc of Ladybug’s medical dietary needs, and Panda fell right into that one easily. I’ve been more careful to make sure we eat certain meals in particular places - breakfast at the breakfast bar, lunch at the kitchen table, snacktime at the kid table, and dinner at the kitchen table again. Bc he has some pretty extreme feelings surrounding food, keeping even the smallest details predictable are important to him. As he continues to have more space between him and the orphanage, shaking things up once in a while won’t be as big of a deal. But right now our number one priority for him is creating felt safety through predictability. He even wants the exact same breakfast every day! I can’t tell you how many eggs we’ve gone through in the past month.
Smiles:
He is constantly scanning the feel of the room to be sure everyone is in a happy or peaceful place. I assure you it has kept me very accountable as to my frustration level and tone some days. I have to be sure to keep my attitude positive, or at the very least neutral, with a smile on my face when addressing him. Even when I’m teaching him not to open a specific cabinet in the kitchen, I have to say, “no,no!” with a sing-song voice and an adoring smile while I make eye contact, or it just crushes him. He understands no, and that simple redirection does the trick for now. He is being taught what is expected but that we love him even when he goes somewhere he shouldn’t or does something he oughtn’t. Communicating that unconditional love is so important, and he’s constantly on guard for it right now. Then the minute he opens the next cabinet that isn’t off limits, we cheer and give lots of praise.
Soon enough he will grow comfortable and begin to test boundaries! But for now he’s still trying too hard to please and keep his new family happy.
Nonverbal cues:
As he doesn’t yet understand English but is very intelligent, Panda and his ever-alert mind picks up on EVERYTHING nonverbal. We have had to reserve covering up with a blanket for a cue to sleep. (We made the mistake once of cuddling up on the couch by the fire with a blanket, thinking he’d love the snuggles. Turned out he got upset thinking we were telling him to hold still and go to sleep!) Extending and open hand to him has come to mean please don’t throw that, just hand it to me. He has begun to ask permission to do things by pointing at it and looking at me. He understands “yes!” with head nods and of course the classic “no, no.” Really most of our day, although filled with talking and babbling, is really nonverbal communication both ways. We will find we accidentally cued something, not realizing he has been using that object all along as communication. (Like the blanket)
Undivided attention:
If I haven’t answered your text or call lately, I’m so sorry! You are not alone. I’ve been keeping my phone on the kitchen counter and the T.V. off. I even work to keep my cleaning to a minimum unless I’ve devised a way to include the kids. Although including those cute little rascals many times turns a job into an even bigger mess! But we try... this is really something I tried to start doing before Panda got home, and I’m still trying to be better about it. What am I teaching my kids when I’m texting or checking my email instead of doing a puzzle with them? That my phone is more important to me. This is something that I struggle with as a stay at home mom throughout the day. I want to call the pharmacy, text Ladybug's speech therapist, or email the next preschool I want to tour. But usually that can all wait until the Duke gets home. There’s the occasional doctor phone call that I have to take, but overall I can be much more careful about where I choose to give my undivided attention. I want both Panda and Ladybug to know that they are more than worth my time and energy.
I’ll tell you what, when I slip up and catch Panda staring at me with those sad Panda eyes, it is quite the jolt!
This month was also panda’s big doctor’s appointment with the dept that specializes in international adoptions. She gave him a full physical and began the referral process to about 9 specialists. The past few weeks have been filled with appointments, and he's not taking it super well. He is the sweetest, easiest going kid I've met until it involves a doctor's office. And who can blame him? Why do these people touch me without my permission? And they hurt me a lot with needles. They can't be trusted! Ladybug also struggles with this, but at least she understands the relationship between herself and her parents - that we are always here to protect her and do what's best for her. Sadly, Panda doesn't completely grasp that yet.
Quick list of updates!
Panda Challenges
Communication
While he is incredible with picking up on some words, his frustration is growing with his lack of ability to express his feelings about a particular topic. However, he is a fast learner and really pays attention when I give him the word to say.
Doctor Appointments
Kind of falls into the communication category, because he doesn't understand what's happening. He also likes to hold a grudge, so I assure you the screaming does not stop when we walk out of the door at the end of the appointment.
Teeth
Yikes. I think every single tooth has a cavity. Now that we've had his heart and a few other organs checked, the dentist can have the freedom to put him under to begin what I can only imagine is an extensive dental work-up. I also assume this will not be a quick fix. We have a consultation scheduled for next week.
Growth
He hasn't grown an inch in the past two months. He's put on 1 pound though! I'm sure the endocrinologist will help us figure it all out.
Panda Awesomeness:
Sleeping
Hallelujah!! Thank you for your prayers. Bedtime is now one of Panda's favorite times! Isn't that crazy! I lay him down after his bottle and he smiles and snuggles in with his blanket, kisses me, and says I love you. Then he just cozies up and goes to sleep! Talk about the power of prayer.
He is now on his little bed which is adjacent to our bed, meaning he's officially out of our bed. We will continue to phase him toward his own room, but at his pace. He still has nightmares, usually the nights after he has a doctor appointment.
He also looks forward to nap time. He loves being cuddled and rocked and cooed over. He doesn't always actually sleep, but he at least gets a little rest time in the afternoon.
Speaking
He is adding to his language repertoire. He now asks for "help!" instead of crying, and brings me a snack from the pantry and says, "eat!" when he's hungry. He also tells Ladybug "no, no!" when he is trying to set boundaries during playtime. All of which has really cut down on his crying! He is finding power in words, which is really cool to see. To add to the list, he also says "thank you," "there it is!", "where is _____?", "I love you" and cheers for me, Ladybug, or the Duke every single time we walk into the room. It's pretty awesome.
Drinking
It's emerging. He has begun to drink a little bit of water from a straw during meals. Definitely a step in the right direction!
Building muscles!
He's majorly building his endurance and strength now that he's out of the crib for good! He has taken his first steps, climbs up and down the stairs with ease, and has become quite the mountain goat on anything that looks like it could be conquered! He's coordinated and has great balance.
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| Panda's first time to feel rain! |
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| He has finally allowed us to put him in a swing! |
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| Yoga with mama |
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| movie night |
Don't worry, we have a date set for family pictures. The current cover for our blog will be changing! Thank you again to everyone who has been loving on us and supporting us. We are officially out of the cocooning stage, so we are trying to get back out there socially as much as our frequent medical appointments allow. Love you all!
