Someone slow this ship down!

Wow...ever since Ladybug began kinder, life has just turned into a blur.

I guess you could say that the Duke and I had the unique opportunity years ago to adjust our parenting perspective. Well, to adjust our everything perspective. Back in the day when Ladybug was an infant, she was diagnosed with Hurler's Syndrome and we were told she wouldn't live until her first birthday. Pretty much falls into the category of some of the hardest news a parent could ever get.

We were devastated, called for prayer from every corner of the earth, and then turned our focus inside our little home, trying to squeeze a lifetime of enjoyment from the few short months we had left with our sweet baby. (I thought I could breeze through this story without too much fuss, but I'm officially covered in tears right now. Six years and it is still tough.) I mean, I seriously wanted to soak in every. single. second. It was physically painful leaving her side for any reason. The Duke would kiss us goodbye in the morning to head to work and I could tell it was just as horrible for him. We didn't want to miss a single facial expression, sound, or smile. It was all so precious.

Due to an intensive treatment the doctors had her on, she was up most of the night screaming and crying. We may have been the only parents on the planet happily up with a screaming baby at 3 a.m., smiling at her and enjoying holding her, knowing that the time was drawing near when we would long for those sleepless nights. It was like I had some sort of love force field - she could cry seventeen hours a day but I had never enjoyed anyone so much. I was able to see the day-by-day struggles with grateful eyes, and yet it was simultaneously the hardest time of my life as we lived on borrowed time.

(For those of you who don't know how the story ends - God gave us a miracle. The leading experts in the field were all completely baffled. One day she had Hurler's Syndrome, the next time, she didn't. It was strange, unexplained, and they ran every test in the book trying to figure out how it had happened. Still no word.)

It was then that The Duke and I had our entire world and perspective turned upside down. We began to cherish those little moments like never before - even after the diagnosis was withdrawn. We got a front row seat to how incredibly fragile life is and how to not take the little things for granted. I went years of never missing a single bedtime with Ladybug. There was something so special about each and every one.

Fast forward another few years and along came Panda. It is heartbreaking knowing you've missed so much of your little one's early life - his first smile, his first bedhead, his first time to crawl. I find myself often feeling that same urgency to capture every moment - pictures, videos, documenting it in anyway possible- there's just so much I don't want to miss. It is like trying to squeeze in extra memories to make up for lost time.

Presently, Ladybug has begun kindergarten. (She is alive, walking, talking, reading, socializing, misbehaving, loving, crying, and learning. It's just so incredible!)

But in the hustle and bustle that surrounds school, I have lost my perspective. I have allowed life to start flying by. Because that's what life does when left to its own devices. It blurs past us. It takes intention and a continual reevaluating our days to slow it down.

And so currently, I'm holding a merciless elimination round to our weekly commitments and our daily routine. Each day is full of good things - but packing my schedule full of good things tends to push out the most important things. Even Jesus said no to good things in order to accomplish the most important ones. I love studying how Jesus spent his time here on earth. It's fascinating. He could have easily run himself ragged healing and teaching, as both were so obviously needed. He could have over-packed His schedule with good things. But He understood the limitation of time, and He also understood what should take priority. He was diligent and hardworking, but He was always taking time to be alone with the Father. He even said a hard no to continuing His ministry here on earth so He could finish the thing He came for - the most important thing - going to Jerusalem to be killed and then raised again. In fact, He had a confrontation with Peter who tried to persuade Him otherwise. (Matthew 16:21-23) Jesus rebuked him saying, "You are not setting your mind on the things of God, but on the things of man."

Well, there it is. In these past few months in the midst of all of these wonderful activities, I have lost sight of the big picture. What really matters in the end? What does it all boil down to?  I want the time and mental energy to sit down enjoy the moment with my loved ones - making eye contact, genuinely laughing with them, crying with them, creating and talking and brainstorming with them. I want to love and enjoy them SLOWLY and stop all of the rushing! (Physical rushing and the mental rushing to which I am prone.)

Today, we will block out time after lunch to create a mile-long domino line instead of folding laundry. Tomorrow: we will do nothing, if even just for thirty minutes. And Sunday, we will clear our afternoon to just play board games. Have you ever noticed that if you don't reserve that time, it tends to disappear? Disappear for good things of course, but I would be willing to argue that playing Chutes and Ladders with my family, bonding and laughing together, showing our children their extreme value with our time and attention, would qualify as the best thing.

School Adjustments and the Healing of Music

August and September have been our season of change around here as Ladybug has begun kindergarten! She is totally rocking it, which is a celebration and probably a blog post in and of itself. Three years ago we definitely didn't know if kindergarten was possible! God has blessed us in amazing ways around here.

Yes, Panda is mimicking Ladybug with "his" pink backpack that he drags along the ground to imitate Ladybug's superior kindergarten roll. Ugh, if only he were so cool...

Even small shifts in Panda's life rock him to his little core, so Ladybug going off to kinder two days a week has been quite the adjustment, complete with hard days and nights. The first day of school The Duke accompanied us for the momentous occasion, proudly donning the rainbow necklace she had beaded him the day prior. (I think the whole family had all the feels!)  Panda seemed to go along with everything just fine until the moment we walked out of Ladybug's classroom. The shock and betrayal on his face was evident, and he refused to make eye contact with The Duke or me for the rest of that day. For the rest of her school day he wouldn't eat and wanted only to play by himself. There was ice in the air between Mom and Panda that day. Things got real. When he was forced to interact with me, there was a lot of anger. I got to see a whole new side of our little Panda.

If you're thinking, "Didn't she go to preschool?" then you're thinking the exact same thoughts I was having that day. But alas, I have a feeling he may have to process his array of fears and feelings multiple times before he comes to terms with Ladybug being left at school. And then, behold, it will be his turn. Lord help us all!

Three days out of the week she is at home, and we are spending a considerable amount of time each day doing her curriculum. This has been another adjustment little Panda has had to make - either join in and learn or play quietly alone. Panda embodies the opposite of both of those words: quiet and alone. He is anything but quiet, and alone doesn't sit well with him. So basically all five days of the week he is working through some adjustments. However, there's another side to the coin - with the change of Ladybug's school comes new ideas and topics to learn. Music in particular has basically captured Panda's mind and taken over his imagination over the past four weeks.

Panda's love for all things music
Ladybug is going to a classical school, which means the music curriculum is for real, y'all. We (I say we because I am learning right along with her) are learning about the Baroque Period and about some of the main composers of that time. Now I will preface this next part with saying that I know absolutely nothing about classical music, so when I read through the music curriculum, my assumption was that my children would also be slightly bored with it. I had planned to skim over it quickly and rush to reading instruction. (my favorite)

However, the minute I pulled out the information page on the Baroque Period that the music teacher asked parents to read aloud, it was snatched out of my hands. Panda and Ladybug had one million questions about the men in the black and white pictures and had the composers' names memorized within minutes. Then Ladybug began to beg to listen to their music. I found Vivaldi's Four Seasons on YouTube (because I'm so resourceful) and thought, Sure! Watch a quick five minute video of some music and then we can move on with our day. Whoa, was I wrong! And I'm so grateful I was, too. First of all, Four Seasons is almost an hour long. And my kids want to watch every single minute of it. Over and over again. Panda begs for it the moment he wakes up in the morning and then if I am not quick enough to comply, he will bust out his own "violin" and belt out in his loudest toddler voice his interpretation of the complicated notes.

His face in this one is so intense it makes me laugh every time!

And so we spend a good hour doing music every at-home school day, complete with history of the composer, education on their music/favorite instruments, and lots and lots of dancing! I am held quite accountable by my two little bosses to not try to skimp out on the music part of our day. It is their favorite part of school, and it will not be cut short!

In the afternoons when we are finally finishing Ladybug's other homework, Panda is waiting with baited breath to perform his prepared concert for me. The audience must sit on the couch while he takes the "stage" on the hearth. Side benefit: He may even turn around and watch himself in the reflection of the glass in the fireplace. 

An hour later when this scene finally plays out, he switches to pretend play. He becomes Vivaldi, and we dare not call him by his actual name for the rest of the day. The poor soul who makes that mistake will be instantly and harshly admonished as he obviously isn't Panda anymore, but Vivaldi. Surrounded by amateurs...

I have begun to use the video on YouTube as an incentive. He may listen to Vivaldi's Four Seasons all day long, but to watch it must be earned. (Because, hey, you use what you got!) Sometimes after a hardworking morning, I will "allow" the kids to watch it at lunch. And here's what cracks me up - Panda is so engrossed in watching it for the 53rd time that he forgets to eat. The kid is obsessed and craves the music. 

Before you are too impressed, his other favorite YouTube is Llama Llama Red Pajama by Ludacris. He won't even allow me to read the book to him anymore. I have to rap it. Hey, the guy has a wide range of interests. He didn't want to get pigeonholed. 

Panda has always had a knack for music. He instantly internalizes any song we teach him and can name any tune we hum without hesitation. He can clap to the beat and will dance until he drops.  So this musical love is no surprise, just intensified as he has had more exposure through Ladybug's music curriculum. I sometimes wonder if it is his unique personality, genetic, or possibly making up for lost time...or all three.

Ladybug has always had a similar obsession with music and is constantly begging to watch orchestras and bands and old-timey musicals (think The Sound of Music and The Music Man). Both kids seem to find fascination and comfort in music of all sorts, so we decided to enroll them in an additional music class. Somewhere that they can learn and appreciate music with someone a little more educated in the musical aspect of life than their mom.

There is healing in music - there's just something about it. I am thankful that our little people have found an outlet and an interest that is completely unique to them. It's such a great reminder to me to not worry about being successful in a particular area of life, but to focus on appreciating it instead. Kids don't worry if they are good at dancing, singing, or playing their make-shift violin.  It's about the joy. Sometimes I get so wrapped up in mastery vs. failure that I forget to sit back and enjoy the beauty. I hope you find a way to enjoy the beauty today and to just rest in the journey.