Ya'll...5 months!?? It seriously feels like Panda has been with us forever. Not one of us could ever imagine life without him. Ladybug erupts into tears if Panda isn't coming with us to a doctor appointment or to the store. I feel that empty mommy longing when I've had to be away from him for a few hours. One of The Duke's favorite parts of coming home is having both Panda and Ladybug jump into his arms the second he walks into the door. I asked Ladybug what "family" meant as a part of our bible study today, and she answered with Panda. Ha! The heck with the rest of us, right?!
Then all of a sudden I remember Panda hasn't been with us forever. In fact, there's so much to his past I will never understand. He had a vivid nightmare the other night and woke us with the most blood-curling screams. When I finally got him to wake, he wrapped his little arms around me and just sobbed. One of those gut-wrenching cries that never seems to end. He went strong for about 30 minutes, and he wasn't the same the next morning. In fact, he wasn't the same for about 3 days. He only wanted to be held - he didn't want to play or eat or even socialize. He was pretty shaken up from his nightmare, and it's crazy that we will probably never know what it was. My assumption is that it was more of a memory than a fantasy considering that even in the light of day he seemed to be living it all over again.
But our sweet Panda is resilient! With lots of love and prayer he finds his way back to us. Within six days he was crawling around playing with his giant panda smile. It is a sobering reminder to the Duke and I that he does have a very real, very unknown past that doesn't disappear after a couple of months of him being home. And sadly the nightmares just keep on coming.
He has officially been diagnosed with Growth Hormone Deficiency. In fact, his body is producing almost no growth hormone at all! This affects not only his size but also muscle development and energy levels. He has the bone age of a 6 month old baby and is still wearing 12 month clothes, despite his age of about 3 1/2 years. He will begin treatment as soon as insurance approves it which will include daily injections. Once he begins the injections, he will begin to grow at an accelerated rate and catch up to where his body should be within a few years. He will also begin progressing at a rapid pace with his gross motor skills considering he will finally be able to build muscle. We are incredibly grateful that this disease is treatable! That was a huge answer to prayer. It won't be an easy road, but it has been well-paved by others, and that is something we have come to appreciate SO much! Doctors aren't baffled, pharmaceutical companies are cooperative, and there seems to be quite
the obvious track for moving forward. (All things we have never experienced before.) Praise the Lord!
A quick monthly update:
Panda Challenges:
Ups and Downs of Life
Our little guy stays on a roller coaster of emotions. Like I said earlier, he is shockingly resilient and always finds his way back to his joyful self, but the dips in our weeks are a definite challenge! His fits have gotten much more mild, but his neediness is generally how he shows stress now. There are many days that if I dare set him down for any purpose, he lets out a desperate scream and literally dives for my leg, as if when I take a single step in the opposite direction I may disappear all together.
Panda Awesomeness:
Sleeping
His bed now is officially pushed across the room from ours, which was a huge step. He is also now allowing us to rock him, tuck him in, and then walk out of the door as opposed to laying with him until he falls asleep. Also a huge win! He loves his little bed and feels confident that we will be back and readily available should he need us at any point in the night.
Eating and Drinking
Panda eats like a little champ and is now drinking water fairly well. We felt confident enough in his fluid intake to even drop one of his bottle feedings during the day. He is down to two bottles instead of three.
Communication
He seriously understands the majority of what we say to him now. He speaks constantly, although only half of which we actually understand. He is such a quick learner!
Social Situations
Panda is the friendliest little guy you've probably ever met! He loves everyone and is even beginning to play with other children and enjoy their presence. He talks to everyone we pass, waving and giving high fives as often as possible. He's quite the hit at any doctor appointment or grocery trip we take - there's something about a tiny, seemingly baby waving at you with bright eyes and then suddenly speaking, "Hi! See you later!"
Sensory
It still surprises me how not overwhelmed Panda is with any sensory situation! Living with Ladybug for so many years has made me hyper-aware of high intensity sensory situations - turning on the vacuum cleaner, serving "wet" fruit, walking into a loud restaurant - all things that raise a red flag that if not handled in small bursts, will lead to a melt-down. I can instantly read the stress on Ladybug's face, usually before she realizes she's reaching her limit. But Panda? Mr. I-have-never-experienced-any-of-this-before-and-should-be-totally-overwhelmed-by-all-of-the-loud-sounds,-sights,-stimuli,-sensations,-etc? Nope. He's as cool as a cucumber! Seriously, so weird. But such a relief!
We have our first follow-up home visit with our social worker approaching in a couple of weeks. I can't wait for her to meet our little guy! I have been working on the follow-up paperwork for the past few days, as it is more extensive than I expected. Thank goodness I had been keeping track of all of the details through this blog! That came in handy. She will come visit and ask us a few questions, see how the family interacts, and probably take a look around is my guess. We will turn in all of our paperwork and pictures, and then those along with her report will be sent to China to show how he's thriving and hopefully positively impact future U.S./China adoption relations.
Thank you to everyone who has been praying for us and just supporting us in every way - meals, phone calls, visits. We are so thankful for our village and love you all!
