Define “adoption”

I’ve debated lately about addressing the recent story in the news about a family who adopted and then “rehomed” a little boy. It is a YouTube vlogging family that I have followed for a while since they adopted their son around the same time we did from China. After two and a half years, they chose to give their son to another family because the challenge was more than expected.

As a mama, their story cut deep. The thought of giving away one of my children because they had more needs than expected (which I assure you they do!) made me sick. The Mama Bear within me is not having it.

A few truths about adoption.
1. It’s hard. I mean, not like it raises your level of hard in life from a 4 to a 6. You’ll be on full 10 alert for a while. And not just a week or two. Years and years. And that’s okay. That’s what we signed up for. Parenting a child with trauma is something that requires continual training, a support system, and endless grace from God.

2. It’s messy. Adoption, while celebrated because it was our family coming together, still was birthed from loss. It’s bitter-sweet. In order for adoption to be possible, the original family unit was broken. That’s not the way things are supposed to be, and those scars are lifelong. Yes, God weaves something beautiful from the torn pieces. He takes what was meant for evil and turns it into good. But it is still messy.

3. There are always surprises. Because, well, life. Kids in general are full of surprises. Biological and adopted children alike may have medical black holes you get sucked into. You don’t pick out the genetic make up of your biological child, and you don’t get to pick it for your adopted child either. When we brought Ladybug home from the hospital, we had NO clue that she would someday suffer from infantile spasms, epilepsy, and Pompe Disease. Obviously that’s not what we had planned when trying to have a baby. But life is full of surprises. You adjust. You shift your plans. Adopting a child is absolutely no different.

4. It. Is. Forever.   This should go without saying, but apparently right now it needs to be said. It will get “too hard.” It will be “too much.”  Parenting is a challenge. Parenting a child with special needs adds exponentially more challenge. And parenting a child with trauma is beyond what you can imagine if you haven’t done it.  But family is forever. Whatever storms come, you bunker down and face them as a family. Neither Ladybug nor Panda’s place in this family is contingent upon their behavior or their medical needs. When it’s too much, you get help. In fact, it’s the rare adoptive family that doesn’t bring in some sort of help.

God gives us the example as to what adoption looks like. When we choose to follow Christ, God adopts us into His family. The Bible literally says that! “But you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, “Abba! Father!” So if God is perfect, then His example of adoption is perfect. He defines adoption. He tells us that once adopted, nothing can separate us from His love, not “death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation...”

That’s adoption.

Unconditional love.

When we adopt, it’s forever.

**I thought it would be fun to post an updated video for our Panda on YouTube. Check it out! He’s just rocking life.

Quarantine Panda

Hello all! Forgive me for my silence...has anyone else felt a bit like you've fallen off the planet during the past few months?  Where are we? What dimension is this?!

Allow me to paint a picture of our family over the past few months...It all started at the end of our Spring Break when I thought it would be wise to put a call into our pediatrician and pulminologist to ask about this new virus everyone was talking about. I had heard it didn't affect children, so I wasn't worried. But our family's health history has taught me to be extra vigilant and double-check, and so I made the calls. You can pretty much guess what followed.

I was basically told that yes, we did need to be extra careful and stay away from public places. Then right before I hung up, I thought to ask about school the next week. What do we do about that? The doctor's recommendation: keep Ladybug home; It is too dangerous for her for multiple reasons. This wasn't ground-breaking as we have had to take similar action during certain flu seasons, but it obviously wasn't the response I was hoping for. I sighed, hung up, and went to deliver the news to The Duke. Another quarantine for our family.

But as we all know, that quarantine quickly changed from specific to at-risk families like us to basically everybody. And so we went on lock-down, even more strictly than we usually did. Groceries were delivered and disinfected, The Duke was working from home, and all therapies and doctor appointments were rescheduled.

Thankfully quarantining with Ladybug and Panda isn’t so bad. They are an absolute blast! Actually, daily life is a lot more fun around here when therapies, doctor appointments and the like are all cancelled. It's turned out to be a very welcome reprieve. We've enjoyed finding our own rhythms, even with the bumps and challenges along the way. I have found myself enjoying/more exhausted during this time than I would have thought. It's a strange juxtaposition. I am simultaneously antsy and at peace, exhausted and energized, lonely and full of love.

As the quarantine months all blur together in my mind as one giant "groundhog day", here is just a quick list of what we've been up to: (I know some of you were needing a good Bill Murray reference today.)

1. Learning and Conquering

Ladybug finished her Kinder year strong! It wasn't an easy year, and we couldn't be more proud of her. I absolutely love watching her rock life despite all odds. She walked away from kindergarten with a handle on persistence, hard work, and a beautiful mix of self-confidence and humility. I love watching these awesome kids rise to the challenges facing them with resilience and strength! We threw her a family graduation party after her last day of school to celebrate.

-Photo cred: Panda

With full-time homeschooling as our only option, Panda has been spending his mornings in the schoolroom with us practicing his sight words and learning to write his letters. Ladybug loves playing the role of the big sister who can assist in all of Panda's academic needs when she gets a break from her own work. He's a sponge and she's full of encouraging words for him.

2. Playing Outside

Walks, bike rides, and the beach have been our saving grace! I'm embarrassed to say I haven't appreciated our access to the outdoors as much as I should have in the past. But this experience has definitely changed that! We spend at least an hour each day outside, usually more. Although as May nears its close, the weather is getting warmer and less accessible for Ladybug and her heat intolerance (cue seizures). I shutter to think of a summer that involves no air-conditioned rock gym or swim lessons to get some good exercise in for her (and us). We are in brainstorming mode at the moment...

3. Easter Story Triggers Trauma

With Easter weekend we got the opportunity to remember the sacrifice Christ made in replacement of us to pay our price for our sins. While this is something we discuss frequently, the holiday weekend brought on a whole new interest from both kids on the subject. This time Panda listened more intently than before and was absolutely mortified. How could God punish His Son for something He didn't do?? What kind of God was this? He died!? Notice Panda not smiling in the picture above.

Honestly, Panda's reaction to this concept was much more appropriate than mine usually is. It really is a horrifying story, but I sometimes catch myself viewing it from a picture-book standpoint instead of the reality of the situation. It's a story that involves betrayal, torture, and death, albeit one with a unexpected miraculous ending. If it were a movie, I would not be able to watch the first half of it without being sick.

Panda has seen too much in his little life to take this story lightly. Based on what he has been able to communicate to us over the past couple of years, he understands the concept of watching someone be beat and even the concept of death. He knows what that is. So the Easter story cannot be accepted with the simple childlike innocence most children are able to apply to it. A God who allows this is a terrifying God indeed. And, once again, he's not wrong. Our God, while embodying love and forgiveness beyond our comprehension, is also to be feared. He is holy and does not overlook sin. Hence the necessity for the price of sin to be paid. This is the part of the gospel story that I tend to shy away from due to the unpleasantness of it. But without understanding God's wrath upon all those who deserve it, it is difficult to understand the depth of His love and forgiveness when He decided to take that wrath upon Himself for us.

Whew. That got deep. But that's my point...what five-year-old catches that depth? Certainly not Ladybug, and certainly not me. I didn't begin to see the intensity of the gospel story until I was much older. Due to his rough past, Panda sees more than the surface-level story. He slept in our room for a week after Easter as he began to process the horrors of Jesus' death. He is now back in his own room, but the processing continues. He insists we read him the story in his children's Bible each morning. And he still has many questions and concerns.

**Disclaimer: We were not vivid in our description of Good Friday, but it is disturbing how well Panda was able to fill in the holes. We kept our explanations child-appropriate!

4. The Cape

Panda got some capes in his Easter basket. It's a thing now. Can't leave home without it. Sometimes, you just need to be super.

5. The Great Wasp Sting of 2020

Have you heard about the wasp that stung Panda? Because he would loooooove to tell you all about it! He tells us the story every day. And he has so many questions about who else has been stung by insects. You see, Panda has this deep sense of justice, and in his eyes, the sting was unwarranted and therefore unjust, personally offending him. (I tease, but it actually was a surprise sting. He was just sitting in his chair in the yard with Ladybug, quietly talking and looking at the clouds when accosted.) 

And now that he has learned we've all been stung at some point, he has drawn some deep conclusions about life. 

Life is unjust, but we can prevail. 

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. 

We all run into trials. 

Seriously, the kid is hilarious. It is an epic tale that involves pain and suffering, but healing and love win in the end. Plus, as an added bonus, The Duke went out and killed the wasp and brought its body back into the house to show Panda. He basically delivered its head on a platter. Sweet justice. 

So each time someone walks by our house and stops to say hello, Panda launches into his narrative of the beast that stung him. The wasp may have won the battle, but not the war. 

Praying everyone is doing well during this crazy time! I know each person is handling the pandemic differently, so hugs to you all as you make your own way through the strangeness. May God provide you with love and wisdom as you make decisions and do what is best for you and your families.

Growing Up

Our Panda is growing quickly! Physically, mentally, emotionally...we are making all sorts of adjustments around here.

Physical Growth:
Panda is beyond proud of his physical growth. He is an older child in a younger child's body, which can create quite a bit of frustration. He isn't able to go to preschool yet as he wouldn't be able to reach door knobs, the restroom stall, the toilet itself...there would be a lot of hurdles physically. He has grown almost eight inches since he came home over two years ago though! If you're wanting a precise measurement, he's exactly six candy canes long. He's responding well to the growth hormone treatments and his specialists are pleased with his progress.

He is not only growing in height and strength but he has begun to age as well. (He was not only not growing prior to treatment, but his body wasn't aging either.) If you remember two years ago his face did not look like that of a three or four year old boy. Check out the picture from January of 2018...

 Today despite his small stature, you can tell he is older.

Intellectual Growth:
Panda is ready and roaring for a challenge these days! He's a sponge that needs to soak up some knowledge. He began violin lessons a couple of months ago which temporarily satisfied his need to a challenge, but now he's ready for more. He loves practicing the violin, but now we've added quite a bit more learning time with Mom. We've always done a bit of informal "preschool" with him at home, but I could tell he was ready for the next step. Over Christmas break I created a plan to better suit his hungry intellect. We are beginning handwriting, reading, and math in earnest along with the regular learning he's been doing with Ladybug during her school time. It has only been a few weeks of his new "regiment" and he loves it. He constantly asks for more! And more we shall give.

Emotional Growth:
Panda has been sleeping in his own room now for months, which has been a giant change in both his life and ours. It was 100% his choice, and we have made it clear that he is always welcome back should he need it. (Based on our past mistakes, we realized he seems to respond better when he doesn't feel banished.) His self-confidence after making the move has skyrocketed, which has resulted in more independence. He now wakes up, gets himself dressed, makes his bed, puts on his glasses and turns off the lights (we've rigged them to be easily reached), heading downstairs for breakfast. Talk about a 180 from what our mornings looked like even just six months ago! I used to sit with him for the first fifteen minutes making eye contact, holding him, and talking him through his wake-up panic attack, reassuring him that we were all still here and he was safe. But now he no longer wakes up fearful. I mean, he has his mornings, don't get me wrong, but then again, don't we all?

I wouldn't exactly call Panda a morning person either...he lies in bed groggily while Ladybug brings him things to "help cheer him up." But once he gets moving, he rocks life. Here's a picture of the morning of his birthday when she had brought him a birthday card. In his drowsy excitement, he chose to snuggle it and go back to sleep.

His nightmares have decreased considerably assuming we stay consistent during the day with eye-contact and attention. He also seems to have trouble at night when he's overtired or stressed. His hunger freak-outs (described in a previous post) have also improved quite a bit. He's learning to recognize his hunger better, and The Duke and I have definitely become more vigilant as well.

Panda has been doing so well mentally and emotionally that we have decided he is ready to attempt a part-time preschool program next school year. To clarify, school next year was actually his idea, even though it was something The Duke and I had been kicking around for a while. He expresses a mixture of excitement and nerves each time it is brought up, which is awesome! All completely normal, healthy feelings for a child about to enter school for the first time. We expect it to be an emotional challenge for our little guy, but he has healed so much over the past two years that we feel it to be a wise push for him.

Panda spent the first three or four years of his life doing nothing but "socializing" with other children in the orphanage, so we have been in no rush to "socialize" him. What he has needed these past couple of years was the time he missed with his family: forming healthy bonds, playing, and exploring life in a safe environment. Now that we've gone backward to fill in those essential gaps, we may finally begin the move forward. Panda has begun to show signs that he has received the love and security he has needed in order to take the next big step. We will administer it in small doses, and we are under no illusions that it will be easy! But we are so thankful that God has blessed us to this point. Plus it was huge that the decision came from Mr. Panda Bear himself!

All in all, he has grown and healed exponentially in the past few months. We are elated he has been flourishing and thank you all for your continued support and prayers!

Gotcha Day #2

Two years ago today in the city of Xi'an, I stepped onto an elevator in a government building with my husband at my side and butterflies in my stomach, having no clue what to expect but knowing our entire lives were about to change. The elevator doors opened and already waiting for us in the hallway was the most precious little boy I had ever laid eyes on. The young Chinese nanny then handed me my son. (Here's my very unprofessional iphone video of this moment!)

Two years later on this same day we are celebrating our Panda. It is called "Gotcha Day" because it is the first day that we met, held, and got to take our Panda into our care. I used to think it should have been called "Adoption Day", but now I realize why that isn't the case. It is not our official adoption day. The day after our Gotcha Day we returned to the government building to fill out paperwork and complete the final adoption, and that time frame varies with each adoption. It was not the day he became a United States citizen either. He became a citizen the moment he stepped onto American soil for the first time with both parents present. Gotcha Day is the day our Panda, after far too long, was united with his family.

Our family celebrates Gotcha Day by having cake, a present, and retelling stories from that special time. Last year Panda received a photobook documenting his adoption time in China. It has been a favorite of his ever since, and it isn't unusual for him to go pull it off of the shelf on a Saturday morning and crawl into Daddy's lap, asking him to tell him the story again. It has even triggered curiosity for Ladybug who now asks a lot of questions about her time as a baby. Unfortunately we don't have a lot of pictures for her as we spent the first couple of years of her life in survival mode as we battled extreme seizures, etc. But we do have an album of her first birthday party, so we aren't afraid to pull that bad boy out for some good snuggle and story time too.

This year we decided to do another photobook documenting the past two years with both children, with the emphasis on our family as a whole. Panda also requested last night that we all eat cake and then he and Ladybug can snuggle while The Duke and I remind them both how much we love our kids. This was literally the plan he came up with. He even gave me a script! I was to say, "Daddy, we sure do love these two kids of ours!" and he was to answer, "Yep! Both of them!" And then (and only then) we were to join in the snuggling.

However by the end of the day today, his script fell to the wayside under the excitement of cake and opening a present. There was still snuggling as the kids went down memory lane ever so carefully, not wanting to miss a single picture. Like a couple of old women looking back through the good ol' days, each picture spurred a story and a conversation, complete with a ton of questions from Panda as he seems to not remember much from 2018.

Panda insisted we watch the YouTube video (above) a few times throughout today and talk through the photobook we gave him last year. He absolutely loves hearing his adoption story, and we love telling it to him! We did have some tougher questions to answer this year, including whose tummy he came from, and why not Mommy's? It was an opportunity to discuss how families come together in all sorts of ways.  (Side note to anyone else answering similar questions: Lamb-a-roo by Diana Kimpton has been incredibly helpful with these conversations!) After further inquiry, we discussed that he came from his birthmom's tummy. I could see the wheels turning during that conversation. I have no doubt more in-depth questions are on their way.

This isn't a conversation we ever shy away from, but it hasn't come up a lot in the past couple of years. In fact, when I attempt to seize an opportunity to explain it, Panda tends to shut me down. So today was unique in that he was allowing himself to wonder and ask.

Adoption is so beautiful, but there has to be brokenness and pain for it to take place. Unfortunately the two go hand-in-hand. Today we were reminded of what Panda has lost, but we also celebrated God bringing all four of us together and the love of the past two years. Gotcha Day is our time to focus on our family's blessings and relationships, and how God's sovereign hand has weaved it all together in a complicated and perfect pattern.

We love our Panda with all of our hearts, and he was our missing puzzle piece in life. I don't know how God takes what is broken and brings restoration and healing, but I am so thankful that he does.

Antonio Panda Vivaldi

As mentioned earlier, our young Panda fell in love with Four Seasons by Antonio Vivaldi on YouTube this past August. Apparently, this wasn't just a phase. He has continued with his love of all things Vivaldi consistently for the past few months. Vivaldi's Four Seasons is all he wants to listen to in the car, all he wants to watch on T.V., and usually his game of choice during playtime. He has a unique gift for turning anything within a few feet's radius into a violin - Lincoln logs, books, markers...and he plays with such gusto!

It was at our church's coffee sale when he sat out front playing a coffee bag with a Lincoln log that we decided we needed to give in. This was happening. It is an interest that is obviously here to stay for at least a little while. Time to figure out the next step...

It looks like he needs a cup out front for donations! Ha!

So the following week I took him by a local violin shop and asked them what they suggested, expecting some concert times and dates we could go watch an orchestra. Instead, they recommended lessons. Apparently Panda isn't too young to begin violin lessons, and they actually make violins small enough for him to rent. Who knew? I walked out of the shop with a list of violin instructors in our area and an incredibly happy Panda.

After a few phone calls and a meeting with an instructor, we rented an impossibly small violin and have received our homework leading up to his first lesson. You cannot begin to imagine his elation. He has been having trouble sleeping knowing his very own violin is downstairs waiting for him. The instructor has asked us not to touch the bow yet, so he just takes the violin out of its case and holds it, pretending to play it with an imaginary bow, for hours. It is just the sweetest thing!

We will see how his love for the violin plays out over the next few months. Perhaps after learning how much work an instrument takes he will be ready to move on to something else. Perhaps his violin-love goes deeper than any of us expected. Either way, a few months of lessons seems like a good move at this point. Plus, one thing he has mentioned in his enthusiasm is how pleased he is to have something that is all his.  No one else in the family plays the violin.  He has made it clear that he will be the only one receiving lessons and how willing he is to teach the rest of us if we would like. It seems the student has longed to become the teacher for a while now! I love watching his confidence build even before we have begun.

I'm excited to see him stretch himself and be challenged. Plus, come on, he's seriously the cutest!! I melt every time he picks up the violin and begins his pretend concert! Best music I've ever heard.

October Panda

The month of October had been a main focus of Panda's for a while. With much anticipation he explained to basically everybody (the man standing in line behind us at Walgreens, Ladybug's swim instructor, etc.) that it is the magic month in which he

a. gets to go to a beach house and
b. gets glasses.

Chances are that if you ran into us at any point, you too have gotten this speech from our sweet Panda. Apparently there is nothing more exciting in the world than those two events!

The first weekend in October we rented a beach house. Ya'll, if I were born to a different life, I would have been a beach bum.  I would have enjoyed the sound of the rolling waves and gazed at the sky meeting the ocean on the horizon and may have actually been incredibly chill. (Okay, maybe that's too far.) I would unapologetically have had leathery, wrinkly skin from being out in the sun all day. It would have been fantastic. But alas, our Ladybug has heat-induced seizures, and so we spend the summer months hiding from the hot Texas sun. But the minute we begin to sense that autumn is creeping in, to the beach we go!

I made the mistake of telling Panda about this trip months ago. Each morning I heard the inevitable question, "We going to beach house??!" Not yet. In October. Every single time we walked out of the door, he assumed that's where we were heading. "Hey Mom! We going to beach house??" No, little guy. It is only August. He would insist that's where The Duke went each morning instead of work. He'd cheer loudly for his dad, and then beg to join him. Mom, you can't rain on my parade with your fancy "dates." I'm pretty sure we are heading to the beach house right now.
I have learned a valuable lesson about sharing our family vacation too early!

The trip itself was i-n-c-r-e-d-i-b-l-e. We ate, slept, and played on the beach! Once or twice we squeezed in a movie. Panda has adjusted to the beach over the past couple of years and wasn't even bothered by the sand this trip. I wouldn't call him comfortable as he never left Ladybug's side, but he was full of smiles and laughs and belly flops (in one inch of water).

It was an almost magical time of refreshment for me, and subsequently my family, as I finally decompressed a bit. Vitamin D and the sounds of the ocean mixed with joyful squeals can seriously do miracles.

As for Panda's swag with his glasses...I'm pretty sure I am not physically capable of taking enough pictures!

What Panda did not quite know is that he would be undergoing eye surgery before he was able to get glasses. We waited until the actual week of the surgery before we dropped that little bomb.

It was supposed to be a fairly simple surgery, minus the anesthesia aspect. Panda has not reacted well to anesthesia in the past. We have had some pretty terrifying moments involving crash carts upon waking from procedures...He has given us all some pretty good scares, and now when he needs even a simple procedure, it isn't so simple. We were sent all around town for this surgery as multiple facilities weren't qualified to handle Panda's particular anesthesia risks. We landed with one of the top Ophthalmology surgeons and top anesthesiologists, so we went into the procedure with slightly more confidence.

Panda has nystagmus, which means his eyes are constantly moving back and forth, never still. His null point, the point at which he is able to hold his eyes mostly still and try to focus, is to his right, meaning he has to turn his head to try to see something clearly. The doctors have explained that as he grows, this constant head turn will affect the way his spine grows. No bueno. They planned to go in and rearrange the muscles in the back of his eyes, changing his null point to straight ahead. (See pic below for an example)

They have also had a tough time getting a read on his prescription as his eyes are always moving, and so while he was under they had planned to get a better read on his eye sight.

As it happens, they put him under only to find out during his eye exam that this whole thing is far more complicated than expected. They decided it was safer for now to not go forward with the surgery and just send us around to multiple more specialists before we tamper with his eye muscles. And thus, he had to wake up from anesthesia yet again, and it was incredibly dramatic and scary again. The whole thing was basically a wash except for the fact that they were finally able to figure out his prescription and we ordered the little fella some glasses.

The good news is that Panda is okay and breathing well to date, he now has glasses and can see better, and has already been seen by multiple specialists about this new medical mystery. Even though he has been with us almost two years the mysteries are still popping up, and it seems that last month  we reopened Pandora's box. We are definitely bummed that this may be a much bigger issue in his life, but we have grown used to the medical mystery song and dance. Let the research and endless appointments/tests begin! (again)

On a happy note, Panda and Ladybug trick-or-treated like little champs this year. Both kids were physically able to walk from house to house in their costumes - a first in our family history!! We are so thankful. God has blessed us beyond measure!

Someone slow this ship down!

Wow...ever since Ladybug began kinder, life has just turned into a blur.

I guess you could say that the Duke and I had the unique opportunity years ago to adjust our parenting perspective. Well, to adjust our everything perspective. Back in the day when Ladybug was an infant, she was diagnosed with Hurler's Syndrome and we were told she wouldn't live until her first birthday. Pretty much falls into the category of some of the hardest news a parent could ever get.

We were devastated, called for prayer from every corner of the earth, and then turned our focus inside our little home, trying to squeeze a lifetime of enjoyment from the few short months we had left with our sweet baby. (I thought I could breeze through this story without too much fuss, but I'm officially covered in tears right now. Six years and it is still tough.) I mean, I seriously wanted to soak in every. single. second. It was physically painful leaving her side for any reason. The Duke would kiss us goodbye in the morning to head to work and I could tell it was just as horrible for him. We didn't want to miss a single facial expression, sound, or smile. It was all so precious.

Due to an intensive treatment the doctors had her on, she was up most of the night screaming and crying. We may have been the only parents on the planet happily up with a screaming baby at 3 a.m., smiling at her and enjoying holding her, knowing that the time was drawing near when we would long for those sleepless nights. It was like I had some sort of love force field - she could cry seventeen hours a day but I had never enjoyed anyone so much. I was able to see the day-by-day struggles with grateful eyes, and yet it was simultaneously the hardest time of my life as we lived on borrowed time.

(For those of you who don't know how the story ends - God gave us a miracle. The leading experts in the field were all completely baffled. One day she had Hurler's Syndrome, the next time, she didn't. It was strange, unexplained, and they ran every test in the book trying to figure out how it had happened. Still no word.)

It was then that The Duke and I had our entire world and perspective turned upside down. We began to cherish those little moments like never before - even after the diagnosis was withdrawn. We got a front row seat to how incredibly fragile life is and how to not take the little things for granted. I went years of never missing a single bedtime with Ladybug. There was something so special about each and every one.

Fast forward another few years and along came Panda. It is heartbreaking knowing you've missed so much of your little one's early life - his first smile, his first bedhead, his first time to crawl. I find myself often feeling that same urgency to capture every moment - pictures, videos, documenting it in anyway possible- there's just so much I don't want to miss. It is like trying to squeeze in extra memories to make up for lost time.

Presently, Ladybug has begun kindergarten. (She is alive, walking, talking, reading, socializing, misbehaving, loving, crying, and learning. It's just so incredible!)

But in the hustle and bustle that surrounds school, I have lost my perspective. I have allowed life to start flying by. Because that's what life does when left to its own devices. It blurs past us. It takes intention and a continual reevaluating our days to slow it down.

And so currently, I'm holding a merciless elimination round to our weekly commitments and our daily routine. Each day is full of good things - but packing my schedule full of good things tends to push out the most important things. Even Jesus said no to good things in order to accomplish the most important ones. I love studying how Jesus spent his time here on earth. It's fascinating. He could have easily run himself ragged healing and teaching, as both were so obviously needed. He could have over-packed His schedule with good things. But He understood the limitation of time, and He also understood what should take priority. He was diligent and hardworking, but He was always taking time to be alone with the Father. He even said a hard no to continuing His ministry here on earth so He could finish the thing He came for - the most important thing - going to Jerusalem to be killed and then raised again. In fact, He had a confrontation with Peter who tried to persuade Him otherwise. (Matthew 16:21-23) Jesus rebuked him saying, "You are not setting your mind on the things of God, but on the things of man."

Well, there it is. In these past few months in the midst of all of these wonderful activities, I have lost sight of the big picture. What really matters in the end? What does it all boil down to?  I want the time and mental energy to sit down enjoy the moment with my loved ones - making eye contact, genuinely laughing with them, crying with them, creating and talking and brainstorming with them. I want to love and enjoy them SLOWLY and stop all of the rushing! (Physical rushing and the mental rushing to which I am prone.)

Today, we will block out time after lunch to create a mile-long domino line instead of folding laundry. Tomorrow: we will do nothing, if even just for thirty minutes. And Sunday, we will clear our afternoon to just play board games. Have you ever noticed that if you don't reserve that time, it tends to disappear? Disappear for good things of course, but I would be willing to argue that playing Chutes and Ladders with my family, bonding and laughing together, showing our children their extreme value with our time and attention, would qualify as the best thing.