Saturday, January 20, 2018

1 Month - Pocket Full of Sunshine

God answers prayer.

Not always in the way you planned. Actually, almost never in the way I planned! God has been working on me to have faith when He answers my prayer differently than I’d hoped. It always turns out better in the end, because He knows what He’s doing and can see the big picture and I can’t.

Or which one of you, if his son asks him for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a serpent? If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him!  
Matthew 7:9

That being said... God answered all of our prayers about Panda, but differently than we had prayed. We hadn’t prayed big enough. We were praying that God would prepare his heart for us. But God had created his heart for us.  He has been ours since the beginning, and he seems to know that. We prayed for our hearts to be prepared for him and any challenges we would face.  God had created our personalities to be together since the beginning. He not only had prepared us for the challenges, but molded our hearts for the amazing beauty Panda brought that outshines any challenge we are facing right now.

Panda was the missing puzzle piece to our family. He completes us in ways we didn't even know we needed:

He is our sunshine.
Some people have that personality - so contagious. That’s Panda. He has such a natural, easy joy that flows from him, and it lights up our house. I can’t even explain the sunshine he brings to our days. I have always thought of our household as joyful, but looking back we had no idea the laughter and happiness that was to come! Panda kicks it up to a whole new level.  The overall feel of our household has shifted, and for the better.

He is the yin to Ladybug’s yang. 
    Unlike the expected behavior when a new sibling is introduced, Ladybug has suddenly blossomed developmentally and emotionally since Panda has joined us at home. And more obviously, so has Panda.
    Socially they are complete opposites, complimenting each other perfectly.  Ladybug would rather never be seen and wants to crawl into a hole when she has to speak to someone outside of our family.  Panda loves attention and enjoys making people laugh, almost to the extreme in that he feels obligated to entertain.  They balance each other out nicely and can learn so much from one another in that area.
    Ladybug has also really taken to being a big sister, bursting with a new-found self-esteem. She now feels more purposeful and accomplished with a little guy to nurture and teach all her Ladybug wisdom. Panda loves being cared for as the little brother and receiving Ladybug's constant attention.
   Once again, we didn't even think to pray big enough on this topic.  I prayed constantly for all of the negative things that I hoped wouldn't happen in their relationship.  I never even considered how God had created these two siblings to perfectly compliment each other in so many different ways.

He is the baby I needed to hold and cuddle, while being the boy with whom the Duke needed to wrestle.
He is cuddly, loving, laid back, and patient. All things I desperately needed in my life! With Ladybug we missed most of the baby stage to some intense medical issues, and I didn't even realize how much I craved some of those things!  It was so kind of God to use little Panda to help heal some of those wounds.  And all the while he's adventurous and fun-loving, all the things the Duke needed in a son.


It's been really fun settling into our new family dynamic. Something about Panda seems to bring the best out of each of us. Talk about a blessing we never even thought to pray for.  I am humbled by how much God gives, and how little I thought to ask.  It's definitely a huge lesson for me in my prayer life!



I'm a little late updating on our first month home, but here it goes!


Panda Awesomeness:

Dog
Panda crawled right up to the dog and stared him down. It was like he just decided he wasn't going to live in fear anymore! From that point forward, he has had no fear of the dog at all. It's hilarious! His favorite activity after dinner is to crawl around and follow the dog where ever he goes.

Nap
He is now napping, which is amazing! He is much more skittish at nap time than bedtime, so we are still having to be extra careful. I rock him to sleep in my arms with a bottle at nap time, and then have now graduated to being able to lay him in his bed and sit nearby in the room as he naps.  Major progress!

Bedtime 
is pleasant as he now has his routine down and loves being tucked in. He's still in our bed as he still wakes up multiple times in the night reaching out for us and panicking. Some nights are better than others.  We are finally beginning to realize that when he's been around a lot of people and felt uncomfortable, his nights are much more restless and he cries in his sleep a lot more.  It's helping us to gauge when we've pushed him too far emotionally.

Language
Panda not only has picked up on the concept of language as communication but is now saying a few words without prompting! Down, more, all done, uh-oh, help, hi, bye-bye  are the majority.  He does get them mixed up sometimes, which is hilarious. Sometimes he says "more" instead of "down", so I'll be holding him while he squeals, "more! more!" trying to wiggle out. I'll ask him if he means "down," and his eyes light up and he changes it to "down! down!"  He pretty much understands 25% of what we say to him, which is impressive. I'm sure a lot of his understanding stems from tone and gestures, but it still works out well. He's a smart little guy!

Bonding
His trust of his family seems to be growing daily.  He loves us and finds major comfort in us.  When he's uncomfortable around others he now reaches for me and wants to be held  - a really awesome sign! Lots of eye contact, smiles, playing and mimicking.

Adventurous Outlook on Life
Panda's overall attitude toward so many new experiences and people is incredible.  He not only doesn't fear the new, he embraces it.  A large part of that is he doesn't seem to suffer from any sensory defensiveness, which is impressive given his past. 
His first trip to the grocery store held so much joy I laughed the entire time.  When we first walked in his eyes got big and I heard a big, "WHOOOOAH!" It was the ceiling.  It was the coolest ceiling he had ever seen.  And then there was the cart.  What a fantastic ride! Oh, and it's cold! How fun! It made his hands cold! (insert constant laughter) If he put his hands on the cart and then on his face, he felt the cold on his face!! What is this magical place??!  
I've learned that grocery stores are one of the most challenging and overwhelming places for kids from orphanages. I went in with trainings, books, and personal stories under my belt bracing for the worst. Instead I got this:





Panda Challenges:

Eating
still a struggle, but definitely getting better as we continue to learn what he can eat and what hurts his teeth. He is now into our meal routine and understands from when and where his next meal is coming. He has almost stopped hoarding food altogether, which is impressive.

Drinking
He still won't drink anything but milk from a bottle, but at least he's drinking warm milk now and not Chinese formula! So we are counting that as a win for now! Baby steps.  We've tried every kind of sippy cup under the sun, straws, regular cups...he just doesn't like the liquid in his mouth unless it's warm milk from a bottle.

Teeth
Brushing still isn't happening, which is fine. His poor teeth are so bad I really don't think it even matters at this point.  We are waiting until he gets a full work-up before we take him to the dentist, as they will have to put him under to do all the work.  We want to be sure it is safe to put him under and he doesn't have any hidden health issues.

Communication
As any other toddler, Panda has freak-out moments. Because communication is so new to him, he doesn't even think to try to communicate while he's in the melt down, hence hindering our attempts to calm him.  There are simple things that I as a parent had always taken for granted, but are really great forms of communication that don't come naturally to him. Things like reaching his arms out for someone when he wants to be held, holding your hand on your booboo to communicate that something hurts, or even pointing a finger at what is causing the panic (ie the dog that looked at you funny.) Without these simplest forms of communication, you pretty much never know why a toddler is crying, and unfortunately these are so new to Panda that they go out the window when he's screaming and crying.  So I will be pretty honest, there are so many Panda melt-downs with unknown origins that I've just convinced myself it's because he needs extra love and to be held.  And so we cuddle.  It does seem to help, which is also a great sign of bonding!

The Outdoors
He hates them. All of it. The grass, the trees, the sky, the cold, the wind.  Totally freaks the little guy out.  We try hard to sympathize while still exposing him more and more to this overwhelming world, hopefully making it less intimating step by step.  Considering how quickly he has adjusted to everything else, I like to think he'll be hiking up a mountain in a few short years.

I will attempt to update each month the little guy is home! It's definitely a challenge now to sit down and type anything out as I work hard to prioritize my time - kids' emotional and physical needs first! Dishes, laundry, texts and blog entries can totally wait.  I am constantly chanting this to myself as our house looks a bit like a tornado hit it, and I'm sitting on the floor with Ladybug and Panda singing The Itsy Bitsy Spider for the 53rd time.  (When I say it like that it sounds mind-numbing. I assure you it's anything but! To watch Panda's eye contact and joy, and Ladybug's language skills emerge as she bonds with her little brother really gets your heart going!)

A huge thank you to all of the family and friends who are bringing us clothes, meals, and most importantly praying for us. We love you all and are leaning on you more than you know during this time of transition!



First time at the park


One of his favorite pastimes - wearing Ladybug's shoes on his hands while he crawls around the house.



It only took him a few days to learn how to crawl up into a chair. He was so proud of himself!

The Duke's first day back to work was really rough on Little Panda. He was happy to have him home that afternoon!



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