Our Panda is a little lightening bolt. He dashes around the house with so many words. He is always thinking and always talking; he's a verbal processor. Saturday morning he and Ladybug were sitting at the breakfast bar having their usual breakfast - scrambled eggs and a smoothie.
Side story: Panda has eaten scrambled eggs every single morning since he came into our care. It is his ultimate comfort food. The very first morning he woke with us in the hotel in China we took him downstairs to the breakfast buffet and he spent a full two hours slowly chewing as many scrambled eggs as we would provide. And every single morning since. Once I tried to branch out and make him different kinds of eggs, but um, whoa, if looks could kill... And so we went back to scrambled.
Anyway, this past Saturday we were eating what has become our everyday breakfast of scrambled eggs and a smoothie, and Panda made an announcement. He would like a donut. Because he "loooooves donuts. And we should all go to that store with all of the donuts in it, buy one, and then eat it. Because, guys, I really looooove donuts!" This speech continued for five straight minutes before it slowed enough to allow for someone else to join in the conversation. The kid seriously looooooves to talk.
In our house we try to stay away from sugar. With our particular health issues, it is just wise to cut it out of our family's diet altogether. But Panda brought up a valid point. It had been quite a while since he had had a donut. Probably since last November if I'm remembering correctly. And yet my internal battle began almost immediately: "We don't have time to find a healthy recipe and then make donuts!" was my very first thought. I was surprised at myself!
How is it possible to have less places to go, less people to see, less commitments than ever before, but still feel chaotic? How can we have no church to go to on Sunday and no one to visit, but I still think we don't have time to make donuts?
I have felt extra busy lately despite the forced Covid slow-down. Preparing for school that may or may not happen, dealing with health problems, catching up on doctors' appointments and tests, and working through the unique challenge of being stuck inside our house have all clouded my thinking. My head has been spinning, and I find not much is quenching the thirst for a break that I feel I so desperately need right now.
Later, I had a moment. I was reading this story:
"And he said, 'Go out and stand on the mount before the Lord.'
And behold, the Lord passed by, and a great and strong wind tore the mountains and broke in pieces the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind.
And after the wind an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake.
And after the earthquake, a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire.
And after the fire the sound of a low whisper. And when Elijah heard it, he wrapped his face in his cloak and went out and stood at the entrance of the cave." - 1 Kings 19:11
As usual, the story sank slowly into my brain throughout the day. I began to think, life in 2020 is loud. The news, social media, well-meaning friends, everybody has opinions and thoughts that they want you to hear and consider. The wind is a-blowin' y'all! The earth is quaking and there is chaos abound. But here's the beautiful thing from this story - God doesn't add to the noise. He speaks in His usual, gentle manner. It's a whisper.
And Elijah not only hears it, but knows instantly that it is the voice of God! He recognizes his Lord's voice. Elijah was able to sit still and listen carefully.
That skilled ear was not cultivated overnight, but over time with practice.
There's always noise in my life. Life is rarely still. But God doesn't tell us to only be still and quiet when life is, but rather in the midst of the swirling wind around us.
"In returning and rest you shall be saved,
in quietness and in trust shall be your strength."
I'm just blown away by Elijah's response. The wind will always blow, the earth will always quake, and sometimes there will even be fire. Our job is to learn to listen for the whisper; to sit amongst the chaos and find our true Peace. My excuses of "once this calms down I'll do a better job with..." are going to be eternal excuses because the storms will never cease. It was a much-needed reminder that while our challenges may change in shape and color, they are ever-present. I want to learn how to find my strength in quietness and in trust. I want to build my house on solid rock, not shifting sand.
Meditating on this story throughout the day helped me to pinpoint my problem of why I feel so chaotic and hurried: I have allowed myself to slide into an easier path lately, the path I feel I'm constantly battling. The path of not guarding my heart or my time, but allowing other things to take priority over my morning prayer and bible-reading time. I am watching the wind and missing His whisper.
I have been frequently ill this summer and I have been telling myself that I can't afford to lose yet another hour of sleep. But it's amazing how much God teaches me in those early morning hours, how much peace I automatically have when it becomes a daily habit. Waking early is a challenge that can seem insurmountable to me at times, especially when the wind is blowing and the earth is quaking. But ironically that's when I need it more than ever. That's when I need to do what Elijah did and climb the mountain to meet with God. Did you notice that part of the story?
The guy had to climb a mountain.
The meeting at the end of the long, strenuous climb is always worth it though.
The realization that I've stopped my early-morning time and lost my cool wasn't groundbreaking. We all fall in and out of habits, and that's okay. I figure that as long as we recognize it and restart, we are on the right track.
So to finish my story from this weekend, Panda got his donut! I checked my attitude and we found a healthy pumpkin donut recipe with a dark chocolate glaze...mmm. The Duke helped and we spent Sunday morning baking and decorating donuts as a family. It was the highlight of my weekend. Not because I love donuts so much, although they were pretty freaking fantastic. But because I was getting out of my own head and enjoying the moment. Monday morning I then drug myself out of bed at five a.m., had a donut and a latte, and spent the most amazing hour getting my mind right with God. For the first time in weeks, I entered into my day with the quiet strength I had been missing.
I hope that as you are being bombarded with strong opinions and angry chaos, you are able to find your true source of peace. If you are like me and have lost it lately, grab your proverbial donut, climb your mountain, and fight to get your time back.
The realization that I've stopped my early-morning time and lost my cool wasn't groundbreaking. We all fall in and out of habits, and that's okay. I figure that as long as we recognize it and restart, we are on the right track.
So to finish my story from this weekend, Panda got his donut! I checked my attitude and we found a healthy pumpkin donut recipe with a dark chocolate glaze...mmm. The Duke helped and we spent Sunday morning baking and decorating donuts as a family. It was the highlight of my weekend. Not because I love donuts so much, although they were pretty freaking fantastic. But because I was getting out of my own head and enjoying the moment. Monday morning I then drug myself out of bed at five a.m., had a donut and a latte, and spent the most amazing hour getting my mind right with God. For the first time in weeks, I entered into my day with the quiet strength I had been missing.
